whoever fighting the same battle, I stand with you.
Im 22F not too young not too old, but age doesnt define experience, does it?
My family, isnt like other family. My dad cheated on my mom when I was 3rd grades. and I thought it was just it but it continued until someone found out he did the same mistake with the same woman when I was 6th grades. My mom ran out from home, she didnt comeback for a week. when she came back, she stopped doing mother's thing. Then I took care of my little brother until then. everyday was not a day without screaming and crying. Im so sick of it. Imagine, I was only a kid. I supposed to be loved and when all the girl's first love supposed to be their dad? I dont wanna end up with the man like my dad. irony. i know.
Back when I was 19 I met this guy, he was sweet. he has a girl, yes. we both were just chat -buddy. I never actually met him in person. then one day, his girl texted me. and the next day they broke up. I didnt know and maybe I didnt realize that i was the one who made them. so the next other week, me and that guy, we're dating. well, he knew my story, my family story my darkest fear. I told him so. but after one year, let's call it a karma. he cheated on me the way he did it to her.
I was weak back then, I lost weight in a week. Im dead-alive. I cut my skin. and for instance I realized, Love is a lie. it is a trick played by the cruel on the foolish and the weak. should've cast it from your mind and never let it render your frail of mind or of will. It is something I can not forgive.
a year after. I went out with alot of guys. even so I dont believe in love anymore, cliche I know. and then I met this one guy, he got a girl too. we both kinda having this affair then over a year and it's still going on. it was smooth at first, now it's all garbage. Why I did it? if you ask and wonder after I had all of these... that's because I thought and I think being a mistress is less stress. like, you know you werent the one at first. and you already know that he wasnt cheated on you, but her. she's the one who should be mad and go crazy. not me.
but yeah like I said, it takes a tough woman to survive an affair even a tougher one to leave it.
so here I am. a masochist to myself. i didnt cut myself (at least not anymore) but i hurt myself in a different way. i hurt myself by surviving this stupid love affair. being his booty-call. paid for everything for him. and even so? did I get the love from him? no... just his lust. pathetic right? I know. but this is the life I choose to be, at least for right now.